Connections: Letting Go/Starting Over...

Loss of net, well loss of any kind really, tends to put a lot of things in perspective.  Especially when in your 1st life, something is missing...lacking, causing you to retreat or find safe haven in your 2nd life. I've been here two years.  And in that time I have: hosted, danced, loved, been loved, married, divorced (TWICE), DJed and done so many things that I often times can't keep up. I have seen the revolving door that is how most SL friendships/connections/relationships tend to operate and honestly, it still baffles me that even when we lose our most constant of connections, we are so quick to shuffle them off as being part of a game. If you're lucky, you will find people who don't think that way; who think just like you that every connection, no matter how it was established is just as important the ones you make when you are away from your computer and in the world of flesh and bone.  But for the most part, this mentality shines through the game as though it were an edict that was brought down from the mighty hand of Linden Labs themselves: don't get attached and hold yourself's just a game after all. I've looked over the's not there, I promise!

As human beings, we hold on to memories of people whose touch is so indelible that when we lose that connection, we never really know how to fully recover.   So how is it that we are so quick to disregard those same feelings, just because we are avatars on a virtual screen? My zodiac says that as a scorpio, I have a hard time letting go of grudges. But it's more than that.  I have a hard time letting things go in general: memories, people, name it.  It clings to me like saran wrap to the one dish in your refrigerator that you're dying to tear into, but can't because it's sealed so damn tight. LOL.  Anyway, as I was saying, I have a very hard time letting things go. Especially when they can be so good, that the idea of losing them is inconceivable.

But as with all things in life, loss is inevitable. How we handle those things is how we find our peace, our inner strength and sometimes...the thick of what we're made of. In the past two ... correction six months, I have suffered the most significant losses of my SL experiences: a lover, a best friend, a cousin. But I gained so much more as a result: new friends, new family, new perspective.  Change is terrifying and at best we handle them the best we can, but not without some moment of being in our bitters. Or just feeling completely ... lost.  But what do we do for that?  Shop?  Cry?  Scream? Dance? Fight?  Yeah...we fight.  Be it silently or with everyone how we recover is a fight to let go and start over.  We don't know it when we're caught up in the midst of doing it, but every day we login...every day we take another breath, cry a little more, say a little (or a lot) less, we are fighting.  We are dancing away the gloom and doom of it all and telling that loss...that it won't beat us.

I started this entry thinking about a large group of my friends and loved ones that are going through something or other in both their 1st and 2nd lives right now.  And thinking of them...actually is helping me get over some of my own stuff...even if just a little.  So to them and to those that managed to find some semblance of understanding in all of this, I say:

Close your eyes and listen to the silence.  That is what peace feels like. there is no tomorrow and shed the pain through every movement.  The dance is yours to dole out to your bitters and drive them away.  But don't think it will happen all at once.  It's and seemingly impossible.  And when you think you can't breathe on your own any more...look to either side of you.  Your true friends...they will always be by your side trying their damnedest to dance your struggles, your pain and even some of your joy away with you. how you know you are loved.

*hits rewind, erase and starts over...*


Style notes (I mean this is supposed to be a fashion blog right? LOL)

piccie 1:

dress: pacadi jasha adinti bodysuit in red (store closed - le sigh)
hair: Gritty Kitty's ghetto in black
necklace – SiSSi : Cross Choker and Necklace
bracelets - +grasp+ : Leather bracelet (group gift)
earrings - Opium: basic silver hoops (got them when i first got in game 2 yrs ago LOL)
boots - Sn@tch: Demona Boots (color change laces!!)

piccie 2 (shot inworld at home under my magnolia tree *smiles*):

hair - Maitreya Sasha Bistre
shirt - Sn@tch: R U Following Me
jeans - potassium distressed jeans (another shop gone *frowns*)
shoes - FNKY kicks in black

piccie 3 (inworld @ home for my grand niece's wedding *smiles*)

hair - Calico Ingmann Creations Luna in black
dress - azul Arabesque /Garnet
earrings/necklace - EarthStones Romance Set - Classic White Pearl/White Gold (BOX)
shoes (not shown) - n-core temptation xtreme heelii
ring - a sham (siiiiiingle), but a lovely ring from my bestie and wifey :P (<3 U B!! MWAH!)

piccie 4 (my favorite place to think - nope not telling :P)

hair - truth drew
glasses - kalnins accord
earrings - opium: basic silver hoops
necklace - dahlinks scorpio silver zodiac pendant
top -'s classic halter tank in black
pants:  *ZX*  Writing Jeans in black


Anonymous May 27, 2010 at 10:40 PM  

What a fantasticly eloquent and moving post! I'm going through the very same thing of loss, sadness and frustration in my SL and have in the past in my RL, and this really struck a chord in my heart, thank you so much for sharing.

Anonymous May 29, 2010 at 1:18 AM  

Hugs Kilolo, great post.


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Shop*gasm is a creation from the twisted warped mind of at least 2 people with shopping a.d.d. and the mind of one person who loves to tag along and will one day have a computer fast enough to keep up.

Kilolo Jenkins
Roselynn Darkstone
Suitelady DeCuir

This blog is a project that was birthed out of three sisters and friends wanting to do something together that we could all enjoy and share.

The contributors of Shop*gasm are consumers. We like to shop. Correction...we LOVE to shop. For the most part, we blog our purchases. Maybe not every single one, but definitely something we find noteworthy.

On the off chance we're given items for review, we're thankful. But like other blog sites, we can not guarantee that your item will be blogged, nor will we guarantee that our review of items are always going to be favorable. What we will guarantee is an open and honest blog for you to read, with just enough moxie and personality to make you either hate it or love it. LOL

Hopefully you'll find the blog just as fun and awesome as we have in creating it :)